"A lot of the problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other."

-Unknown

Hey Reader,

I’ve been pondering this for quite some time and thought I’d share it with you today.

Have you ever wondered where people turn for help when relational issues arise? For instance, when people can’t get along with a partner, who do you think is the go-to for seeking advice? And when conflicts with teens become a recurring theme, how do most people navigate through the conflict? Or who is the trusted source of reprieve when there’s a conflict with a co-worker?

I’ve noticed an interesting trend with many clients I work with, and it mirrors a pattern I used to follow without even realizing it. 🤫

💥When we encounter relational challenges, we often seek solutions from external sources, meaning we go outside the relationship to try to solve them.

At first glance, this tendency might seem normal. After all, venting frustrations about a spouse, seeking affirmation for our opinions on colleagues, and seeking guidance from well-intentioned friends about parenting dilemmas are part of human interaction.

However, I've begun to wonder whether relying solely on external viewpoints is becoming the go-to coping mechanism instead of effectively resolving the issues.

You see, I've come to realize that much of the friction within relationships stems not from the events themselves but from the lenses through which we view these events and the narratives we construct around them. It's almost like we craft stories in our minds, then seek validation for our made-up stories from others instead of realizing that transformation, reconciliation, and harmony originate only from within the relationship.

No matter how “normal” it might seem to vent your frustrations to others, there is much more value in cultivating the skills necessary to navigate these issues from within the relationship. To foster healthy relationships with others, we have to be vulnerable enough to engage in open, honest communication within the relationship, and we have to be open to honesty even when it feels painful.

The reason we go outside of relationships to vent is because it’s easier. Good relationships require work, and if we aren’t willing to do the internal work necessary to overcome hardships, disagreements, or conflict, we will always struggle to find quality relationships.

So the next time you're faced with any kind of relationship turmoil, my advice to you is to keep it within the relationship because it turns out that when we confront problems head-on, the problems are much easier to dissolve.

Peace, love & progress,

Michele 🧡

P.S. And if you'd like help learning the skills to be better in relationships, have deeper conversations + show up more vulnerably, here's how I can help:

It's time to get off the hampster wheel & start seeing the results you deserve, both in your relationships and in your life!

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